What Did You Expect

[camforrester]

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

    

 

 

* gifs by behindfairytales
 

 

• Pairing: Sidney Parker/Eliza Campion (past)

• Characters: Sidney Parker, Eliza Campion

• Summary: Sidney confronts Eliza after the regatta, and finally gets closer.

• Warnings: none

• Word count: 1,369

• A/N: I've never written a period era fic before, and this is also my first time writing for Sanditon. This was written quite awhile ago and is complete, I don't currently have plans to write any more Sanditon fics, but maybe I'll change my mind. The idea for this came from a Shania Twain song, It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing. Apologies if Sidney and Eliza are both OOC, but this is my own interpretation I suppose.

 

'' I'm glad we could be alone, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. ''

Sidney had no idea what she wanted to speak to him about but he was willing to listen to whatever it was she had to say. With an open mind. But why did he have a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. As if he wasn't going to like what she wanted to say.

Before his impromptu trip to London to search for Georgiana he had barely given Eliza a moment's thought. In the days and weeks after their broken engagement, after she left him for an older wealthier man, she had been all he could think about. Though he had tried to think about something else, anything else. At first, it didn't work, she was everywhere. In the places that they had visited together, he would see her in the young women in the street, any young woman around her age. Only for them to turn around and for him to realise that it wasn't her. 

A few months later he learned about her wedding, later discovering she had gone to live abroad afterward. Paris, or was it Italy. Frankly, at that point, he didn't care whether it was Paris or Italy. He was just relieved that she was gone from London and that he wouldn't have to see her again. His life had already spiraled by this point and he'd even gone to Antigua to get away from it all.

He was suddenly pulled from his little trip down memory lane by the sound of her voice, and more accurately, the sound of his name being spoken. He realised then that while he had been looking at her, and mostly listening - he had - his mind had been on other things. He hadn't seen her for so long before this, so seeing her here and now right in front of him was bound to bring back memories. And some of them, if not most, he would rather forget. He tuned back in just in time to hear her say.

''....here we are, fate has gifted us a second chance, ''

Fate...a second chance, did she really think it was that easy.

'' What did you expect Eliza, '' he watched with a little satisfaction as surprise flitted across her face momentarily.

'' I...''

If she was expecting him to just welcome her back with open arms, and to just be able to carry on as if she hadn't walked out on him for someone else, well then she was sadly mistaken. Sidney realised at that moment that the anger he had once harbored for her was no longer there. He was sorry that her husband was gone, truly he was, he wouldn't wish that one anyone. No matter who it was. But if she thought that there was a chance for them, no matter how small, then he had to set her straight.

'' That we could go back to how things were, that I'd forgiven you and we could pretend that none of it happened. '' 

'' I'm sorry Sidney, I know you must hate me or be angry.

 If they had had this conversation weeks, or even months, after she left he probably would have said yes. But now as he stood there in front of her he realisedthat he was almost grateful. Maybe not grateful so much as it was a blessing in disguise. He certainly wasn't glad that he had had his heartbroken, but he realised suddenly that maybe seeing Eliza again after so long could be a good thing. Maybe he could finally get the closure he needed and finally move on. It hit him suddenly that up until now he had been stuck in the past, he hadn't properly moved on, and it had taken Miss Heywood stumbling into his life - well for his brother and sister-in-law to accidentally stumble upon her and invite her to stay with them in Sanditon for a while - for him to realise that.

He was his truest self when he was with her.

He would have never been happy with Eliza, he realised that now. And for the first time in ten years, he felt free, freer than he had ever felt before. No, he didn't hate Eliza for in a way she had saved him from an unhappy marriage.

'' No, I don't hate you, Eliza. And I'm not angry, '' he was a different man now.

She looked at him with a look of hope at his words, hope that that meant he wanted the same thing she did. That he wanted to reconnect with her and try again. And this time they would make it work. This was their second chance.

 ''.....but we can never be what we once were, I can never be that same person with you. There is no second chance for us, you walked away....you chose to walk away from what we had. For someone else, ''

His younger brother had hit the nail on the head when he had mentioned trust. He might be able to forgive, but he knew he would never be able to fully trust her. He would always be wondering if she was going off to meet another man when she said she was going to meet a friend.

'' You have feelings for Miss Heywood, don't you. '' She questioned. Maybe that was what was holding him back, maybe he just needed persuading.

'' Whether I have feelings for Miss Heywood, is between me and miss Heywood, '' she was right about his feelings. But he wasn't going to admit to them to her, not before telling Charlotte how he felt, if at all. '' No, this is not about Miss Heywood. My feelings are quite different from what they were. ''

The determined look on his face, and in his eyes, stalled any potential arguments she could come up with to persuade him. He was series. She had to try though.

'' I'm returning to London this afternoon. Come with me, '' reaching for his hands she took them into her own and squeezed them, bringing them up toward her face and kissing his knuckles. '' I still love you, and I know we can be good together. The ball in London brought us together for a reason, we should not ignore that. ''

Pulling his hands out of hers he dropped them to his sides and took a step back, wanting to put some distance between them and make it clear to her that he was serious about his feelings, and that he wasn't going to be swayed.

'' I'm sorry Eliza, but my mind is made up. And I cannot return to London with you, my place is here. Tom needs me. '' It was true his brother did need him, but that wasn't his only reason for staying. '' I'm truly sorry about your husband, I am. And you may not believe it. But that does not change anything, it does not change how I feel. I only wish you all the best and hope you find what you're looking for. But it is not with me. ''

 Her expression changed as soon as the words were out of his mouth, gone was the hopeful look in her eyes. Well, there was no use in staying in this little town, there was nothing keeping her here and she would be glad to turn her back on this little town and return to London.

'' Well, I think I will take my leave now and return to London. ''

 The walk back into town didn't take them all that long, the beach not being that far after all, and was mostly done in silence. There was nothing more to be said, except goodbye, and he was glad to be closing that chapter of his life and saying goodbye to it, to Eliza. He could finally move on. As soon as Eliza was safely inside a carriage headed to London he didn't even wait for it to leave before he was turning his back and walking away. Never looking back as he walked toward Trafalgar House to look for Miss Heywood.

There's no need to worry, I'm really alright
I've never looked back, as a matter of fact,